Adventures Of An Italian Food Lover

We met seventeen years ago and I still remember our first conversation. It was about a book called The City Of Joy  by Dominque Lapierre. 

It is surprising we became friends as we were so different. Where she teased her hair into curls, I gelled mine into spikes. She wore pretty little dresses and taught literature at a girls school, I wore black and was a stay at home Mum. She served her roast lamb with potatoes and gravy, I served mine with roasted capsicum and pomegranate vinaigrette. She watched TV seated nicely in a chair, I sat with my feet tucked under me. Her children studied law and marketing, mine studied music and film.  She was ruled by her head, I let my heart make my decisions.

I think she saw in me a little of the off beat person she'd like to be, I know I saw in her a little of the more conservative woman I'd like to be.

Our friendship grew, fuelled by a mutual love of travel, literature and film.  We went on holidays together, sometimes with our husbands, sometimes without.  One year we spent a month in France. In Paris she took me to Printemps,   I took her to Dehillerin .  We spent a week driving through Provence in our little red rental car.   Our first night in Monaco  we got drunk as we celebrated surviving a week of driving on the wrong side of the road . We went into Italy to the markets at Ventimiglia. She took an hour to choose 1 pair of leather gloves, I bought 4 pairs in 10 minutes.

She carried a secret. A secret about a lost love.

She moved overseas to take up an exciting teaching position in a  large corporation. I made plans to visit. We looked forward to discovering Tong Li together. Then came her phone call, she was unwell, she had been flown by private jet to a Hong Kong hospital. Next a phone call from her son, she would be having surgery for a brain tumour, could I come to Hong Kong.  I spent a week in Hong Kong supporting her children and helping where I could.  One night her daughter and I  filled her hospital room with candles, music and rose petals. The doctors came in and blew the candles out with warnings about oxygen cylinders and fires. We all flew home to New Zealand and she came and lived with us while undergoing further treatment. The day came when I realised she needed more care than we could give. Eventually she was moved to a hospice. Every day I would go for my morning walk stopping off at the hospice  to visit her.

She knew she was dying.  On the day the doctors told her I poured us each a glass of Grand Marnier. We sculled the drinks and threw the glasses into the fireplace, smashing them into tiny shards.

The lost love was on her mind. I could see she was troubled and I encouraged her to talk about it. I felt it would help her let him go.  She promised  she would tell me  the story when she was ready.

One day  I missed  my  morning visit to the hospice. It was  after lunch when I arrived. She began to talk about the lost love. I could see how painful it was for her. I reached over and hugged her and said I don't need to know. We hugged and cried, we both knew it would be our last conversation. That night she slipped into a coma and was soon gone.

When Cath  invited me to participate in the  Adventures of an Italian Food Lover event about friendship I had  a feeling this friendship would stand out and would be the one I chose to share. It was when I came to Faith's memories of her friend Zia Enza Tarli  I found my friend in the  sentence "She's an expert on family traditions, knows about obscure Italian holidays and festivities".  I knew then it would be Zia's Tiramisu I would make.

   

Thank you  Cath  and Ivonne  for inviting me to be part of this memorable event.  I look forward to reading the friendship memories of my fellow bloggers.

Comments

[Jeanne]

Oh that's such a beautiful post Barbara. And I love the fact that even in the face of death, you chose to celebrate life - I have always wanted to smash crystal glasses in the fireplace (it's up there along with driving through Paris in a sports car with the warm wind in your hair!). What a strong, wonderful woman your friend must have been. Thank you for sharing these memories with us.

[Meeta]

Barbara, what a moving story. Your spirit of life shows in this friendship. I thank you so much for sharing it!

[Kelly Mahoney]

Thanks for sharing, this was enlightening and uplifting, even in the face of loss.

[kellypea]

What a beautiful story. It has left me with teary eyes and admiration of you for your writing of it.

[Kiki]

Barbara...you've left me speechless. What a wonderful story...thank you for sharing and for joining us. Love, Cath.

[Kat]

what a moving post! thank you for sharing it, your friend's spirit definitely lives on in your heart, and now in mine too.

[gilli]

Oh Barabara what a wonderful story.
How sad but what amazing memories.
Beautifully written too.

[corinne]

thank for sharing this page of your life !

[chrisb]

Barbara that was such a beautifully written and moving story about the loss of your dear friend. Friendship's like these are treasured memories for ever.

[Lydia]

Such a beautiful post, and the first that I've seen about this wonderful book. Thank you for sharing your friendship with us.

[beccy]

What a beautifully written post about friendship and what a wonderful friend you were.

[sam]

so moving.

[barbara]

Thank you for your comments. This was a challenging event to participate in. Sometimes a friend like this comes along only once in a lifetime. I am lucky to enjoy similar friendships with several other woman. Sadly they all live on other continents. and I only visit with them occasionally. Thanks to the internet we are able to stay in touch almost daily.

[Rose]

I will feel stupid adding anything to such a moving and well-written friendship story. I just wanted you to know that I felt every word you typed and that at the end of the text, I hugged you in my head like I would hug a dear friend of mine.

[Marina]

Barbara, some friendships have the taste of a wonderful tiramisù: a good alcohol and a great coffee. You choose the quantities...our own ingredients and our own memory...
Thanks for sharing with us your memory!
MARINA

[Anali]

Such a beautiful bittersweet post. Thank you for telling us about such a wonderful friendship.

[barbara]

Rose - thank you and especially for the hug.
Marina - such a pity this happened before you came to NZ. She would have enjoyed meeting you.
Anali - thank you, it was a special friendship and I do miss her.

[Tartelette]

What a great read. I cried over and over again. I am not surprise to read you became such an important part of her life. Great way to share a bit of her memory with us. Thank you!

[Ivonne]

No, Barbara.

Thank you for sharing this incredible story with us!

[barbara]

Tartlette - I'm pleased you enjoyed my memories.
Ivonne. - it was an honour to be a part of this unique event. Interesting how we all tackled it differently.

[Tea]

What a beautiful tribute to one so dear. I've had some friendships like that--on the surface you can't imagine that you would match, but underneath you share your heart. Thank you for sharing your friend with us.

[Tea]

What a beautiful tribute to one so dear. I've had some friendships like that--on the surface you can't imagine that you would match, but underneath you share your heart. Thank you for sharing your friend with us.

[Paz]

Beautiful. May she continue to rest in peace. Your tiramisu looks so good.

Paz

[ilva]

A truly beautiful tribute to your friend and to friendship! Thank you Barbara!

[barbara]

Thank you Tea, Paz and Ilva.

[Tanna]

Sometimes it's the differences between friends that fill gaps in a way we never could with someone more like us.
This is an exceptional friendship and exceptionally beautiful writing. Thank You so much.

[barbara]

Thank you Tanna.

[Valli]

Thank you for sharing these heart wrenching memories. Friends are truly what makes our lives worthwhile. It is really special to find a friend with whom you can share everything. I missed the cookbook event, but will watch out for it next time.